Gillette Flexball

I will give Gillette credit. The Mach3 is probably the best razor ever invented. Kudos. You won. End of story.

But that wasn't good enough. Then came the Fusion. Five blades, a couple extra bucks per cartridge. Never really go into them. Didn't see the need for 2 extra blades or the added expense. But whatev.

Then they went too far. Five blades just wasn't "cutting it" anymore. Now they needed five THINNER blades, hence the Fusion "ProGlide." (Did I mention I have to try ALL of this crap?) Not only do the five thinner blades NOT provide a closer shave than the Mach3, they become dull QUICKER! Crooks. (The only advantage to the ProGlide is that it does swipe across your face as though there's nothing there. For about three shaves. Then it feels like your sliding a dull pocket knife across your puss.)

I failed to add you can get vibrating handles for ALL of these variations. The vibrating model costs more, naturally. And I honestly believe they give a worse shave. Yeah, that's what I need right before I swipe five incredibly sharp blades across my face; a case of the shakes.

This is old news but Gillette NOW brings us the Fusion ProGlide "Flexball."

Is it just me, or does the Flexball put you in the mind of THIS?

With this in mind, here's a suggested ad slogan: The Gillette Fusion Proglide Flexball...You won't believe how much it sucks!

Here's my review:

The blades are EXACTLY the same. The ONLY diff is the handle. It sways side to side. The head already swiveled. The first time I used it, I'm about to make razor to face contact and I hear my father's voice. And I'm wondering what my dearly departed dad is doing in the shower with me. (Yes, I shave in the shower. Attempt to get THAT mental image out of your head.) But, to my relief it was just a flashback. I'm 14 or so, and I distinctly remember dear old dad telling me NEVER to swipe a blade side to side. Good advice! WTH, Gillette? So, I shave as usual.

Gillette claims the "flexball" cuts 20% more hair and 20% closer. The verdict? It's the EXACT same result as the old version.

This bad boy also comes with a vibrating model. It vibrates, sways from side to side, AND empties your wallet!

I'll probably use up the overpriced blades and go back to the tried and true Mach3. Of course until Gillette introduces a new model that talks to me while I shave and tells me what a great guy I am.

End of rant. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming. I'm sure during the commercial break you'll see an ad featuring the Flexball...

Movie Review: Everest

"It's a round trip. Getting to the summit is optional, getting down is mandatory." - Ed Viesturs

I've only met one person to have scaled one of the Seven Summits, the highest peaks on each of the seven continents. His name is Ed Marx and the mountain was Kilimanjaro. He spoke at a work conference I attended a few years ago. Ed is a soft spoken healthcare IT executive. His words inspired me. Not only was he brave enough to scale a nineteen thousand plus foot mountain, he and his companions launched a *humanitarian mission while they were there. The advice that I remember most from his speech was to "pee in public, puke in private." I know there was a reasonable explanation for that wisdom when it comes to mountaineering, but if I had my druthers, I'd probably reverse the two.

I'm a sucker for books and movies that dramatize things I'd never in a million years consider doing. Among the things on that list: space travel ("Apollo 13," "Gravity"), great white shark hunting ("Jaws"), deep sea exploration ("Titanic," "The Abyss"), and mountain climbing ("The Eiger Sanction," "Into Thin Air"). "Into Thin Air" is a book, not a movie. In fact, it chronicles the same events that inspired the recently (3D IMAX) and soon to be (2D) released "Everest." Why did I list the book rather than the movie? Because the book is significantly better.

Jon Krakauer's 1997 first person account of the May 1996 disaster that claimed the lives of nine came under intense scrutiny. Krakauer questioned the judgment of those leading the commercial expeditions that year. The author's harshest critics point out that the one individual that he directed an accusatory finger at most, risked his life to save others while Krakauer slept safely in his tent. That said, I don't think you can find a more gripping and detailed account of the incident.

The book's length allows the reader to develop a connection with the people that decided to attempt the summit almost two decades ago. Then, when things go horribly wrong, you are much more invested in the safety of those individuals.

Therein lies the film's weakness. Clocking in at just two hours, it introduces over twenty main and peripheral characters. Other than Rob Hall (played by "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes' Jason Clarke), the owner and lead guide for Adventure Consultants, most of the characters seem two dimensional, if mentioned other than in passing. The book's flexibility provides much better exposition and explanation of the perfect storm of events (including a storm) that lead to the disaster. There are some amazing tales of bravery and the will to survive depicted in "Everest." However, due to time constraints, one act of heroism is greatly abridged, much to the film's detriment. That is not to say that the movie version lacks emotional punch. But, it focuses very briefly on many of the personal accounts that took place.

The movie's strength is that through footage shot on location and expertly re-created on a computer, one is able to get a glimpse into what it might be like to attempt to summit the world's highest peak. At almost 30,000 feet, it is the same height that commercial aircraft fly at and is rarely attempted without the aid of supplemental oxygen. That, in and of itself, explains why Everest wasn't conquered until 1953.

The filmmakers do an amazing job of virtually taking the viewer on an incredible journey. IMAX and 3D are expertly used in "Everest." Other than "Gravity," I don't think I've seen the technology used to greater effect than it is here. If you plan on seeing it and it's an option, I highly recommend the IMAX 3D version.

You won't find any spoilers here. But be warned. This is a true story that has been highly publicized over the past nineteen years. Any internet search will easily reveal details. If going in with a blank slate is important to you as a moviegoer, stay away from any web searches. Also, avoid "Everest" on Netflix. The small screen version of the film shot for IMAX and released in that format in 1998, was actually filmed during this disaster. The IMAX crew played a pivotal role in the rescue of one of the climbers and these events are the heart of that documentary. Once you've seen this movie, however, I highly recommend it.

"Everest" is a really good movie. It just isn't a great one. For something as magnificent as Everest itself, I expected more. If you haven't read "Into Thin Air," I suggest you read it soon after.

3 out of 4 stars.

Recommended viewing on the Everest disaster (both contain spoilers):

"Storm Over Everest:"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJ5olbdXd10

"Mountain Without Mercy: The Everest Story:"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWxQuN7Xxl8

*To learn more about Ed Marx's humanitarian mission in Tanzania, follow this link: http://www.argylejournal.com/chief-information-officer/leadership-lessons-kilimanjaro-edward-marx-chief-information-officer-and-senior-vice-president-texas-health-resources-inc-and-elizabeth-ransom-chief-clinical-leader-texas-health-resources-inc/

My First Trip to the State Fair and the Quest for a Deep Fried Twinkie

I've lived in Utah for over 20 years and had never attended the State Fair. That changed on Friday night.

What surprised me was how little the State Fair reminded me of my childhood experiences at "Buffalo Days," the province of Saskatchewan's equivalent to a State Fair held in Regina. Either Buffalo Days was REALLY awesome, or my teenage perception of what is amazing differs greatly from the adult version. (Btw, it's not pronounced Reg-ee-na. It's pronounced Reg-eye-na. The look on folks' faces here in the U.S. never ceases to amuse me when I correct them on the proper pronunciation.)

The city I grew up in, Moose Jaw, had a much smaller version, often referred to as "the fair" or "exhibition." I remember spending countless hours kicking around the Moose Jaw fair grounds as a kid. My favorite delicacy at the fair was actually provided by my local church group. Every year, they set up a booth that sold Spudnuts, a donut-like object made with potato flour. Our Spudnuts came in two versions: glazed and chocolate frosted. The Spudnut was slightly larger than a traditional donut with a much bigger hole in the center. I don't know what it was about the potato flour but they were far superior to their cousin. (I did some research and found out that the Spudnut's origin is in Salt Lake City.) I actually had an opportunity to work the Spudnut booth on a couple of occasions, so I consider myself an honorary carny.

Spudnuts

Despite their genesis, Spudnuts are not available at the Utah State Fair. At least I didn't find any. What I DID find was a wide array of deep fried consumables. Seriously, anything you can think of, they'll deep fry it at the USF.

Exhibit A

For years I'd heard tales of a deep fried Twinkie. I'll go ahead and say it: I find Twinkies fairly gross. Would deep frying them make them less gross? I was determined to find out. I went to the fair, a man on a mission, kind of like Tallahassee from "Zombieland" and his search for the last Twinkie on earth.

Unlike Tallahassee, my quest didn't take me very long. I stumbled upon the deep fry shack with every imaginable offering within five minutes. So, I decided to put it last on my State Fair to do list. You can almost smell the anticipation, no?

  

When we first wandered in, we noticed that there was an incredible deal on admission to the "Snake Girl" exhibit. Who doesn't love a good freak show? So, the wife and I each paid our one dollar and went inside.

My better half is still irritated with me that we blew two bucks on this. What struck me most about Snake Girl wasn't that she was clearly sitting on a chair with her head through a table. Or the REALLY fake looking rubber snake coiled around her head. (Actually it didn't really resemble rubber as much as something that had been hauled in from one of the livestock exhibits.) It wasn't even the mirrors under the table reflecting the phony candles and sawdust on the floor to give the illusion that the table was bottomless. It was how bored she looked. I prefer my snake girls to have a bit of a personality. I tried to engage her in conversation but she wasn't having any of it. She apparently couldn't wait for her three hour shift to end to be replaced by the next snake girl.

What we really came for was the food, though. We got the lay of the land. There are almost too many options. I couldn't believe it when the wife exclaimed, "They have poutine!" No, not the Russian dictator. It's a Canadian delicacy pronounced poo-teen. Fries smothered in gravy and cheese curds. I know that may sound like an odd combo, but riddle me this: how many times have you had cheese fries? Or mashed potatoes with gravy? Fries are a close relative. And they're DEEP FRIED! (Perfect for the state fair...) Frankly, the poutine was the best thing we ate all night. My only complaint was that the fries were criss cut. They still tasted pretty dang good, though.

Poutine

We found the poutine at the least likely of places:

Doesn't the "F" render the "H" unnecessary? Or, spell it P-H-A-T. Just sayin'...

Our main course was unimpressive chicken from some Hawaiian place. I've had better rotisserie chicken from the deli at the grocery store. And cheaper. We washed it down with what was being promoted as "ice cold root beer." It was flat and room temperature. (Only believe one third of what's being advertised at the State Fair. Except when it comes to the snake girl, of course.)

In retrospect, I wish I'd gone with the burger. We ran into a muscle-bound guy later in the evening who was enjoying one with his muscle-bound wife. It was their "cheat day," apparently. I'd say they tore up the rule book on this one. (I neglected to mention that the burger came served between two full sized donuts, replete with slices of deep fried bacon.) They told us that it was actually surprisingly good. And let's be honest, I came here to be decadent!

It's sad that they have to ask, really.

Another good option would have been the corn on the cob. They were giving out samples. It was smothered in salt, pepper, and, of all things, parmesan cheese. It was AMAZING. So, skip the Hawaiian chicken place and head for the corn stand. You can thank me later.

We eventually made our way back to the deep fried vendors. The ladies went and purchased funnel cake, while we men went and purchased deep fried Twix and Twinkies, respectively. Here's the thing. A Twix is already a thing of perfection. The deep fry treatment actually ruined it. But can you make a Twinkie worse? Yes, yes you can. It basically tasted like a melted Twinkie wrapped inside a cold pancake. To add insult to injury, it had been sitting under a heat lamp for who knows how long. They drizzled it with Hershey syrup and sprinkled it with powdered sugar. But it was like putting lipstick on a pig at this point. After going through a deep fryer, the creamy filling is reduced to a custard like substance. Emphasis on "turd."

Strip away the chocolate syrup and powdered sugar and

all of the deep fried confections look like a corn dog.

Wandering around the midway, we weren't even tempted by any of the rides. Most of the folks who put these mobile thrill machines together look like they may have one or two screws loose, so who's to say their equipment doesn't? (I can say that about them without it being offensive because I'm an honorary carny.)

We checked out the livestock exhibits. They had it all. Cattle, check. Chicken, check. Goats, check. Sheep, check. (Most of these blue ribbon winners will eventually make their way onto next year's fair menu. If you're adventurous, they even have a booth that sells "Rocky Mountain Oysters.") We had one heck of a time finding the swine house. And that was at the top of my list. I had to see Wilbur, after all! Eventually, after much aimless wandering and finally having to ask directions, we stumbled upon him.

As you can see, he is

...which is exactly what I felt like after eating all of the crap that I've described.

Will I return to the Utah State Fair? Great question. Ask me again in about twenty years.







Let's Be Cops: My Night Out With The Fuzz

Recently a neighbor and good friend, who also happens to be one of Orem's finest asked me if I wanted to go on a ride along. That was like asking me if I want a piece of chocolate cake with a glass of milk, or if I want to watch a Youtube video of two teenage girls fighting.* My answer was a resounding "DUH!"

The plan was for me to meet him at the library which is right next to the police station at 6pm. When I got there, I texted him and he told me he was dealing with an "incident" at RC Willey. He asked me to meet him in the University Mall parking lot 30 minutes later.

It was a hot, sunny evening. Perfect for fighting crime. I was extremely disappointed when I learned that I'd have to sit in the car while he was cracking skulls. This was particularly disheartening as the front seat of a police car isn't really built for passengers. His laptop was literally in my lap top. Despite the discomfort, I was ready to roll. It didn't take long before we got our first call.

We responded to a complaint that some money had gone missing from someone's dresser. The lady of the house wanted my partner to dust for fingerprints. I swear, I'm not making this up. When we got there, her extremely horrified daughter, who looked surprisingly normal was waiting with her mother out front. Apparently, the younger woman was the victim and had begged mom to drop it. Officer Friendly (I won't use his real name) got out the car and took his fingerprint kit with him. He didn't look all that thrilled at the prospect of using it. I sat and waited. Finally he came back to the car. "Did you crack the case?" I asked. Apparently, the victim had been paid in cash and had put the money in the top drawer of her dresser. Dad, a chronic drug user, was the prime suspect. Mom wanted fingerprints to prove his guilt. "I told her there was no way that I could dust a dresser drawer and get usable prints," he told me. It was particularly difficult to prove anything as the likely perp was a resident of the house. While I was disappointed that dear old dad wasn't lying face down on the lawn wearing flex cuffs, I was kind of relieved. When an entire row of Oreos goes missing, my family will just have to continue to speculate...

I really wanted some "action." So, we did some traffic duty. It didn't take long for someone to speed past us and we spring into action, lights ablaze. The driver of the car we pulled over was a young girl driving her dad's car. And the registration had expired. Oops. I felt kinda bad as she probably would have skated had I not been there. Oh well. If you can't do the time, as they say...

It was a slow night. So we drove around a lot looking for suspicious characters. I'm happy to dispel the myth that all cops do is hang out at donut shops. Although, I really would have liked one. (If there's a next time, I'm totally suggesting it.) He regaled me with tales from life on the thin blue line. You gotta give these guys respect. They see and deal with things that most of us would prefer not to even imagine.

As we were about to call it a day, we got a call. There was a shoplifter at the mall. Perfect! The crime scene was where my car was parked. We showed up and he told me I could come in! I was stoked. It's a good thing I wasn't packing because I was prepared to use excessive force. I really wanted someone to "make my day."

The suspect was a woman in her mid-twenties. She wasn't having any of this. At first she wouldn't even tell the cops her name. She was probably too blitzed out of her mind to know that my partner in (fighting) crime had dealt with her before. Recently. He gave her every opportunity to get off easily. He just wanted her to be truthful. But, she opted to do it the hard way. So, he cuffed her and made arrangements for her to spend some time in jail. She apparently wanted to take an alternate route out of the mall, so he had to nudge her along. Her husband, who was following us with a couple of their friends began ridiculously shouting, "Somebody film this! He's abusing her!" Seriously, dude? My respect for the cops grew as I witnessed the nonsense they have to deal with multiple times a day. I kind of wanted to pistol whip the husband and GIVE him something to complain about. Finally, when she came clean, she admitted that she'd snorted some Xanax. She also claimed that when she's high on Xanax, she steals. She said it like that would clear everything up. I was having a hard time making the connection. The few times I've taken Xanax before boarding an airplane, the only side effect I've experienced was slight drooling. I digress. Had she played ball, she would have gotten a ticket and spent the night in her own bed. Instead she was heading down to the county jail for who knows how long. All over thirteen dollars worth of temporary tattoos.

After we sent the shoplifter on her merry way, my friend had to fill out a bunch of paperwork. I bid him a fond farewell.

The experience was eye opening and as I said, I gained new respect for the boys in blue. Actually his uniform is black, but whatever. The next time you see a cop, buy him a donut. Or, the next time you see me, buy me one. As you can see, I've totally earned it!

*My wife told me the girl fight video comment wasn't classy. I'll let you be the judge: