Graham's Musings: Movie Review: Tomorrowland: "The Future is Scary"

(Originally written 7/4/15)

If the future is half as scary as this movie was frighteningly bad, then I wholeheartedly agree with George Clooney’s character Frank’s statement (see review title) in Tomorrowland’s opening sequence. In fact, can I get a ticket to “Yesterdayland” so I can make different choices?

It’s Independence Day, Aprill had to work early and was exhausted, the weather was crappy, and we’re going to the water park on Monday. So, we were looking for something to do. Next year, if the circumstances are similar, I recommend we schedule family root canals. They’d be less painful.

I took a film class in college. The professor once suggested that the telltale sign of a bad movie is when you can watch it with the sound off and still know what is going on (Jurassic Park excluded). I’ll go one step further. I think a worse movie is one that HAS sound and you DON’T know what’s going on. We got there late so Aprill bought us tickets on the second row. I lamented that it might impede our enjoyment having to crane our necks to see the screen. I then realized we’d probably be able to keep our eyes closed and it wouldn’t make a difference. I hate being right all the time.

I’d give a brief plot synopsis, but I’m still not quite sure what happened, nor do I care. Needless to say, I knew we were in trouble in the first ten minutes. When they flashed back to the ’64 World’s Fair, the movie had the feel of one of Disney’s 1970’s offerings. You know, the crappy ones like “The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes” or “The World’s Greatest Athlete.” I half expected Fred McMurray to come beebopping along any second. (So, for your enjoyment, at the end of the review I’ve recast Tomorrowland as if it HAD been made in the 70’s.)

If I had to pick a favorite moment from the film, it was the scene that took place in a second hand store called Blast from the Past that sold sci-fi collectibles. I would have much preferred browsing in there for a couple of hours. (I saw that old “Planet of the Apes” board game and thought, “I want one.”) My second favorite moment was the deep feeling of relief when I knew it was finally over. It was like a sliver had been removed.

At one point, the female protagonist reminded her soon to be unemployed dad that there are two kinds of wolves. One that is positive and one negative. Who survives? The one that you feed. I apologize for spending your time feeding the negative wolf. But after this dud, it was really hungry.

1.5 out of 4 stars.

2015 "Frank"