Oscar 2016 "Menu"

Every year, after the Oscar nominees are announced, my family and I attempt to come up with a "menu" with meals based on that year's nominated films. They don't have to be best picture nominees; they could be nominated for "Best Craft Services," for all we care (think "Kraft Macaroni and Cheese here). We rarely cook the meals that we come up with (we're not THAT weird).

But here is what you would find at Chez Oscar for 2016, if it were up to us. (If you can think of any additions, feel free to post them in the comments section and maybe we can create a Hateful Eight course meal...)

For breakfast, wake up to a steaming cup of hot chocolate and a Danish girl.

Lunch? Try Trumbo gumbo.

For dinner, you have a choice of entrees: The Big Short ribs or Shaun the Sheep chops. Both are best served Straight Outta da oven.

For dessert, we suggest an Inside Out upside down cake or, if you prefer, Bridge of (s)Pies a la Mad Max: Fury rocky Road.

 

For those in Utah who prefer not to cook, we recommend swinging by Apollo "Creed" Burger.

And of course, for a cocktail, we'll be serving Marti(a)nis (pronounced Mar-shee-knees).

Please don't forget to make Room for seconds!

Star Wars + Rocky = My Childood...and Adulthood, Apparently

When I was ten years old, I loved Star Wars. I mean I LOVED it. Of course, I'm talking about what is now referred to as "Episode IV: A New Hope," which was actually the first movie to come out and we referred to it simply as "STAR WARS." I loved it so much, in fact, that I sat through it twice, back to back one Saturday afternoon and was late in making deliveries on my afternoon paper route, much to the chagrin of some of my more crotchety customers.

Wasn't a huge fan of what came after "A New Hope," in the Star Wars series, until "Episode VII: The Force Awakens." They really hit it out of the park, in my opinion. JJ Abrams, I salute you, as well as "Awakens" co-writer Lawrence Kasdan, who wrote "The Empire Strikes Back" and, on an interesting side note, "The Big Chill" of all things. For what it is, I consider "The Force Awakens" to be a perfect movie.

I was also a huge fan of "Rocky." I even loved the ridiculous sequels. Of those that followed, "Rocky III" has to be my fave. Oh, it's crap, but I loved it. It had Mr. T, for heaven's sake. And the eye of the tiger. And Apollo Creed and Rocky hugging in the surf in their short shorts after a too close to call foot race on the beach. I need to stop before I bust out crying.

Last year brought sequels to both the Star Wars and Rocky franchises (I have yet to see "Creed," but I plan to). Here are some fun facts that you probably haven't considered that came to me while I was lying in bed in the fog between dream and consciousness. What can I say? I'm weird like that.

Both "Creed" and "The Force Awakens" are the seventh installments in their respective series. The originals came out within a year of one another, Rocky in 1976 and Star Wars in '77.

Both originals were nominated for Best Picture Oscars and Rocky actually won. This year, both "Creed" and "The Force Awakens" are receiving heavy Oscar buzz. How crazy is that?!? Is it just me or is this one of the signs of the apocalypse? This year, if they release another "Friday the 13th" and it's nominated, I'm arming myself and moving to Idaho.

We'll have to wait and see what happens, but Oscar nominations are announced Thursday, January 14th. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. May the force be with both of them. Or the eye of the tiger.

Graham (Almost) Got Run Over By A Reindeer

 

My 19 year old daughter had to work a graveyard shift in Provo on Christmas Eve, bless her heart. Fortunately, she was able to spend the evening with us. At 10:00 pm the time came to return her to Provo which, on a good day, is about a 90 minute round trip.

While we were enjoying Christmas cheer, a massive blizzard had begun. My Utah friends know exactly what I’m talking about. Like "Ice Road Truckers" kind of blizzard.

I got her safely to her job and then almost made it home (3 hours after I left) when what to my wondering eyes should appear but a pack of headlight dazed deer! I swerved and was barely able to miss the one directly in front of me when I heard a BANG on the right side of my van. A deer had slammed into the side of my four wheel sleigh! While there was fortunately no damage to my car, which I’m crediting to a Christmas miracle, that deer either didn’t wake up Christmas morning or had one heck of a headache.

 

You can say there’s no such thing as Santa, but as for me and my Freestar, we believe.

 

Happy New Year, all!

 

DWUWYH?: Day 32

The last time I checked in, I was on day 6 and there was no visible change in the appearance of my scalp and I didn't feel any different. On day 32, not only is there visible change, it burns and stings almost intolerably (not to mention the itchiness and, well, you don't want to know). I won't post a pic, but the best way to describe my current look is "Bearded Gorbachev."

Okay, I will post a pic but only because I was able to find this incredibly weird fake pic of actor Christoph Waltz as, you guessed it, Bearded Gorbachev.

(My beard isn't quite that good yet, but it's getting there.)

Speaking of beards, we're halfway through No Shave November. Here's my advice to the bros: if you're only growing it out for November, don't even bother. You won't get past the point where it is a constant reminder that you have a homegrown wool scarf on your face. After four weeks it starts to feel awesome and will begin to look great too.

Anyway, four more days of the treatment. Then I get to administer cortisone to my scalp for another two to three weeks while it heals. I will hopefully look "normal" by the middle of December. Merry Christmas me!

DWUWYH Day 6: So Far So Good?

So, I've been applying the Fluorouracil for six days, twice a day. No noticeable change. This could be good news or too early to tell. I did some more research and found out a couple of things. Apparently the medication attacks pre-cancerous cells and destroys them. This is evident in the change in the appearance of the applied areas. Since I'm seeing no change that must mean there is no pre-cancer, right? Maybe. I also learned that for some, there is little to no change in the skin's appearance for the first week or so. It becomes apparent for many after the first week. Those who have used it see a marked change in week two. Apparently near the end of treatment, it becomes almost unbearable, similar to a very bad sunburn.

The only thing I've noticed are mild headaches. That may be due to the fact that I've come down with a lovely cold that has moved into my chest and when I cough, my head hurts. So, probably unrelated. I've also experienced some other symptoms that I won't get into but they too could be a result of the cold virus. The long and short is that I need to give it more time to be sure. I'll check back in in a week and report.

In the meantime, I'll promote No Shave November!

I cheated and actually stopped shaving at the end of September. So, I've got a little over three weeks going and am leaving the miserable itchy phase. (This is where most beards die an ignominious death.) Be forewarned if you do decide to participate in this blessed annual event, you're going to get comments. That, too, leads to the demise of many a potential beard. The great thing about No Shave November is it gives you an excuse! (Just tell the haters that you're doing it for charity.) Who knows? You may end up looking like this:

 

Or this:

 

 

 

If you decide to keep going you may wind up like this:

 

Just get a better barber.

Worst case scenario, you could end up like this:

Come on! EVERYBODY'S doing it!

See you next week!





DWUWYH (Dude, What's Up With Your Head) Day 1

If you have no idea what the title to this post is referring to and you happened to wind up here, I suggest reading this post first:

http://grahamsmusings67.blogspot.com/2015/10/no-shave-octobernovember-aka-dude-whats.html

It's Day 1 of my treatment. I have everything I need.

You may be asking what Diet Mountain Dew and a Ding Dong have to do with anything, but I return your question with a question: What DON'T they have to do with anything? It's comfort food. The rubber gloves, while not necessary per se, will make the application a bit safer. While it's recommended to wash your hands before and after application anyway, I still feel more comfortable using gloves as I don't want to touch anything that may go into my mouth (Ding Dongs) with hands that came in contact with the medication. Plus, I enjoy the snap you get when putting the gloves on. It makes the process seem more "invasive."

As I was applying the cream to the top of my head, I thought about how much I would prefer to be massaging Just For Men into a lustrous mane of grey hair. But, the gene pool dealt my cards from the bottom of the deck.

The Fluorouracil is to be applied twice daily. After one treatment, no noticeable difference in the appearance of my scalp is detected.

Former President George H.W. Bush had a similar treatment a few years ago. His was to his face, not his scalp, but here is what the top of my dome may have to look forward to:

 

That reminds of the time that I briefly met his son, former President George W. Bush. I had waited for hours in line outside the Sandy, UT Costco to get an autographed copy of his book "Decision Points." After going through security, I was brought into a curtained room. Finally, it was my turn for some face time with W. I was ushered through the curtains. It was like having audience with the Wizard of OZ. Surreal.

 

 

He shook my hand and then said in his Texas drawl, "I wanna ask you a question. Was your bald head getting cold out there?" I scrambled for something clever to say but all I could stupidly muster was, "Absolutely!" (With the benefit of hindsight I wish I'd said, "Oh it's fine. Other than being riddled with PRE-CANCER!") He laughed his famous George W. Bush laugh, high fived me and I was escorted out with two signed copies of his book in hand to a checkout inside the store. We haven't spoken since.

 

I realize that to some that incident may seem like nothing more than blatant name dropping. So, for that reason, I'll leave out the time that Tommy Lee Jones almost punched me in the face or when Glenn Close looked at me like she wanted to pepper spray me. Apparently there's something about me that rubs celebrities the wrong way. Except for W. We're pals. 

No Shave October/November aka Dude! What's Up With Your Head?!?

As the latter part of the title suggests, that's the exact question I'm trying to avoid for the next four weeks, so I thought I'd launch a preemptive strike.

I assure you, I'm okay. Let me say that again. I'm OKAY. But if I can get just one person to use more of this:

 

 

I'll feel as though I've accomplished something.

 

A couple of years ago I went to my dermatologist. There was a strange, wart-like object on my right shoulder. He assured me that it was probably nothing but he wanted to cut it out and take a look. (I wish he'd bet the farm that it was nothing. I'd be living on a nice spread near Reno.) Turns out it was basal cell carcinoma. He got it all and you can't even tell where he removed it. But, he wanted to check me out each year.

 

About a month ago, I returned to his office for my yearly check up. My torso looked good. Okay, it resembled the Michelin Man's but whatever.

 

Then he started checking out my scalp. He said he noticed there might be some pre-cancer so he wanted to do a treatment with a topical cream called Fluorouracil. It's basically a topical chemotherapy ointment to be applied to my scalp for three to four weeks.

 

Here are some of the possible side effects: swelling, peeling or blistered skin. So, at best, the top of my head will look like a bad sunburn. At worst, it may resemble the surface of Mercury. Other possible side effects are loose and bloody stools, nausea and possible hair loss.

 

So, to take the heat off of my head, so to speak, I decided to start growing a beard early. (November is typically the month men start sporting facial hair in support of cancer awareness.) If this treatment affects the awesome starter hedge I've got going, I'm going to be ticked.

 

I thought it might be interesting to chronicle this process. Again, I'm okay. Better to be safe than sorry. And I certainly do not mean to make light of or lessen the impact that actual chemotherapy treatments have had on any of my readers or those that are close to them. But please know, that if I can't laugh at this...

  

As the top of my head will be very sensitive during this time and as I typically keep my hair closely cropped, I decided to shave my head today to avoid having to clip it for a few weeks. So, not only am I follicly challenged to begin with, I now resemble a slightly less weird looking version of Shel Silverstein.

 

 

Okay. I look JUST as weird.

 

I start my treatment on the 15th. I'll keep you posted.

 

And remember, use your sunscreen!